Locktober: The Orgasm Control Challenge That Makes Men Better Lovers
Male chastity gets a bad rap, but the benefits might surprise you. A board-certified sexologist explains how locking it up makes men more present, more creative, and better in bed.
By Annette Benedetti, sex educator, intimacy coach, and host of the Talk Sex with Annette podcast
The benefits of male chastity Tare real, even if the idea gets a bad rap. People hear it and picture some poor guy locked in a cage while his partner laughs at him. Here’s the truth: male chastity makes men better more present, more creative, and more focused on their partner than they’ve ever been. When you give up the right to come whenever you want, you start paying attention in ways most men never do. You feel more, you crave harder, and when the lock comes off, you’re better equipped to blow her mind.
To break down why, I sat down with Lilith Fox, a board-certified sexologist and certified sexuality educator, a graduate of the Kinsey Institute human sexuality intensive, and someone who practices chastity in her own relationship. We got into what it actually does to a man, to a couple, and to the sex.
Watch the full interview here.
Listen to the full guide. Â You can also listen on Apple and Spotify podcast.
Table of Contents
What Male Chastity Really Is
Male chastity means a person with a penis gives up control over their own orgasm, usually to a partner called the keyholder. Sometimes that’s a physical device, a cage that prevents erection and orgasm, and sometimes it’s an honor-based agreement with no device at all. During Locktober, people do it for the whole month of October, though you can start any time and for any length you like.
The reason it lands so hard on the male ego is conditioning. Men are taught to be the ones in charge during sex, the giver, the one on top, the one running the show. Chastity flips that. Historically chastity was imposed on women, stay chaste for your future husband or he won’t value you. Handing it to a man reads, to a lot of people, as submission. And that’s exactly where the power in it lives.
Locktober vs No Nut November: What’s the Difference?
People mix these up. No Nut November is a viral challenge about abstaining from orgasm and masturbation for a month, usually done solo, often as a joke or a test of willpower. Locktober is different. It’s rooted in kink and intimacy, it usually involves a partner as keyholder, and the point isn’t just white-knuckling through denial, it’s redirecting all that energy into connection, creativity, and your partner’s pleasure. No Nut November is about not coming. Locktober is about everything else you do instead.
The Benefits of Male Chastity in Bed
When penis-in-vagina sex isn’t the default finish line, everything else has to get better. Here’s what Lilith and I kept coming back to.
Attention becomes the whole game. With orgasm off the table, a man has to actually pay attention, to breath, to rhythm, to what his partner’s body is telling him, instead of running on autopilot toward his own finish.
Pleasure gets redefined. Oral, hands, toys, kissing, teasing, all the things usually treated as the warm-up become the main event. Most couples fall into ruts because it’s easier to do what you already know. Chastity forces you out of the rut.
Sex stops ending at his orgasm. The end of sex becomes a shared decision, not a male climax. That’s how you get the two- and three-hour sessions, because his penis isn’t running the show.
Anticipation makes desire surge. Like a kid told they can’t have candy, denial makes the wanting stronger, and that craving carries through the whole relationship.
Chastity for Erectile Dysfunction and Performance Anxiety
This is one of the most overlooked benefits, and it’s worth its own conversation. So much erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety is a loop: you worry about getting hard or staying hard, and the worry itself is what shuts things down. Stress is a libido killer. As Lilith puts it, stress is a dick shrinker.
Chastity breaks the loop by taking the penis off the table entirely. There’s no pressure to perform, because performance isn’t the point anymore, pleasure is. And here’s the surprising part: many men find that once the pressure is gone, arousal comes back on its own. When you can get hard or not and it genuinely doesn’t matter, the anxiety that was blocking it has nothing to grab onto. The fun is going to happen either way.
Chastity and Healing: Reclaiming Pleasure
For some survivors of sexual assault, reconnecting with pleasure can be difficult, and sex can carry a weight that’s hard to put down. Lilith spoke about chastity as one way some people find their way back, not as therapy, but as a way of reclaiming control over their own sexuality on their own terms.
When you decide what happens to your body, when release happens, even when you’ve handed the key to someone you trust, you’re the one setting the terms. For some people, redefining pleasure that way, slowly and safely, becomes a path back to feeling at home in their own body. If sexual trauma is part of your story, go gently, and consider working with a trauma-informed professional alongside any exploration.
The Mental Reframe
This is bigger than a skill upgrade. Chastity rewires how a man relates to sex and to his partner.
The priority shifts. Instead of his orgasm steering the ship, his partner’s pleasure becomes the point. A lot of women have never had that, sex where their pleasure is genuinely the center, not a nice-to-have. And there’s a vulnerability most men rarely get to feel, because they’re conditioned to treat vulnerability as weakness. Handing someone else the key means being vulnerable, and that openness is what makes room to explore.
As Lilith frames it for skeptics who call it emasculating: is going down on your partner submissive? The act itself is neutral. The energy you bring decides which way it tips. Chastity is the same. In her experience, it’s often the most masculine-presenting men who are drawn to it, because people who carry power all day sometimes most want to hand it over. Give it a try, and if you hate it, you never do it again. If you love it, a whole new world opens up.
What’s In It For the Keyholder?
Most articles write chastity toward the wearer. But the keyholder, often a woman, gets just as much, and if this is being brought to you, this section is for you.
There’s a real, full-body rush in controlling someone else’s pleasure. Lilith describes topping in a way where she isn’t even being touched, and getting an energetic, emotional high off being the one in charge of and giving pleasure. You become the keeper of the keys, and in a lot of ways, the owner of your partner’s pleasure, which is a genuinely powerful place to be.
It’s also normal to feel weird about it at first. When Lilith’s partner first asked, her instinct was resistance, “that’s my toy getting locked up, that’s not fair.” What changed it was being part of the process: helping choose the cage, making sure it was safe, staying in control of the decision. If your first reaction is hesitation, that doesn’t mean no. It often just means you want to be part of how it happens.
And the payoff is real: a partner suddenly, eagerly focused on your pleasure, your body, your lead. As Lilith put it, her partner became like a cat to catnip, constantly wanting to touch her, constantly asking to go down on her. Why wouldn’t you want that?
Female-Led Relationships and Chastity
For some couples, chastity is part of a broader female-led relationship, or FLR, where the woman holds ongoing authority in the dynamic, sometimes in the bedroom, sometimes beyond it. Lilith’s own relationship runs this way: her partner is her submissive, he wears the cage indefinitely, he asks permission, and she holds the key around the clock.
It doesn’t have to be that intense. An FLR can be a bedroom-only dynamic for a single month, or a light, playful arrangement where he earns privileges. The reward systems people talk about, doing the dishes or other tasks to earn release, are one flavor of this, and they can be genuinely fun. The point isn’t a rigid hierarchy. It’s a couple deciding, together, that she leads for a while, and seeing what that opens up.
Yes, You Can Still Top in a Cage
One myth worth killing: being caged doesn’t mean being passive. You can top with a cage on. You can run the scene, give your partner an orgasm, and own that you’re the one giving it. You can even get bratty with it and steal your keys back. The cage changes what your body does, not who’s driving.
How Chastity Brings the Spark Back
One of the most underrated benefits is what happens when you’re apart. A cage worn through the day is a constant, quiet reminder, of the partner who holds the key, of the connection between you. That low simmer of awareness keeps desire alive across an ordinary Tuesday instead of asking you to flip a switch at bedtime.
That matters because desire, especially for women, usually isn’t an instant on-switch. It builds in response to connection woven through the day. Sensuality shouldn’t be something you disconnect from all day and then try to summon at bedtime. Chastity is one way to keep that thread running from morning to night, which is exactly what so many couples are missing when the spark fades.
Try Pleasure Mapping Together
Here’s a concrete exercise Lilith recommends, whether you do chastity or not. Pleasure mapping is exploring each other’s bodies to find every erogenous zone, not just the obvious ones. You take turns paying attention to what feels good, where the tingles are, what you want more of, from the scalp to the feet.
It pairs perfectly with chastity, because once the penis isn’t the sole focus, the rest of the body starts lighting up in ways you may never have noticed. It’s a lifelong process, not a one-and-done. Even decades in, most people are still finding new spots that surprise them.
Prioritize fit. If you’re using a cage, a well-fitting one is a safety issue, not a comfort preference. There’s an inner ring you measure, and most companies offer fit guides and will help you directly. A cage that doesn’t fit is the number one beginner money-sink.
Start soft and short. Never worn one? Try 20 to 30 minutes first. It should never hurt or pinch. Build up gradually rather than locking up completely on day one. Softer silicone cages are the gentlest starting point.
You don’t even need a cage. Psychological chastity, an agreement with no device, is a real option, especially if cost is a barrier or you’re not ready to buy.
For the full walkthrough, see my [[ How to Try Male Chastity guide → /advice/kink-bdsm/how-to-try-male-chastity/ ]] and my [[ Guide to Buying a Male Chastity Device → /advice/kink-bdsm/male-chastity-buying-guide/ ]], which covers measuring and materials in detail.
A Note on Safety
Chastity can be safe, but a few things are non-negotiable. A cage must fit properly, an ill-fitting one risks chafing and circulation problems. Come out of the cage for doctor’s appointments so you can be fully examined. Keep it clean, and never push through pain, pinching, or numbness. Build up wear time gradually rather than jumping straight to long-term. When in doubt about fit or comfort, talk to the cage company or a medical professional.
Does male chastity really make men better lovers? Many couples say yes. When orgasm isn’t the automatic goal, men focus more on their partner’s pleasure, get more creative beyond penetration, and build patience and presence. The result is often deeper connection and better sex for both people.
What are the benefits of male chastity? Reported benefits include heightened anticipation and desire, more partner-focused pleasure, reduced performance pressure, a stronger sense of connection when worn through the day, and a playful power dynamic couples enjoy.
Can chastity help with erectile dysfunction? For some men, yes. Much ED and performance anxiety is driven by the pressure to perform. Taking the penis off the table can break that stress loop, and many men find arousal returns once the pressure is gone. It’s not a medical treatment, so see a doctor for persistent ED.
Is chastity a female-led relationship? It can be part of one, but it doesn’t have to be. Some couples fold chastity into an ongoing female-led dynamic where she holds authority; others keep it a light, bedroom-only, one-month thing. You decide how far it goes.
Can you pee with a chastity cage on? Yes. Most cages are designed so you can urinate while wearing them, which is part of why they can be worn for long stretches. Many people remove the cage for cleaning, though you can also clean it in place.
How long can you wear a chastity cage? It varies. Beginners should start with 20 to 30 minutes and build up. With a well-fitting cage there are no inherent health risks to longer wear, but always remove it for doctor’s visits, keep it clean, and never push through pain or numbness.
Is male chastity emasculating? No. The act itself is neutral, the energy you bring defines it. Many masculine-presenting men choose chastity because it lowers pressure, heightens arousal, and lets them explore. Handing over control is, for a lot of people, genuinely empowering.
Do you have to use a cage? No. Psychological chastity works through agreement alone, with no device. A cage adds a physical and mental charge, but it’s optional, and it’s a good way to try if cost or commitment is a concern.
Full Episode Transcript
Annette: Today’s Talk Sex with Annette topic is Locktober, the orgasm control challenge that makes men better lovers. Locktober gets a bad rap. People hear male chastity and picture some poor guy locked in a cage while his partner laughs at him. But here’s the truth. Locktober is the orgasm control challenge that can actually make men hotter, sexier, and even better in bed. Why? Because when you give up the right to come whenever you want, you start paying attention in ways most men don’t. You feel more, you crave harder, and when the lock finally comes off, you’re better equipped to blow her mind. And who better to talk about this than my guest today, Lilith Fox. Lilith is a BIPOC, queer, neurodivergent, kinky, and polyamorous board-certified sexologist, a certified sexuality educator, professional speaker, and inclusivity consultant. She’s a graduate of the Kinsey Institute human sexuality intensive, trained in psychological first aid at Johns Hopkins, and she’s been an active member of the BDSM and non-monogamy communities for over a decade. And she actually practices Locktober with her partner. So today we’re breaking down what Locktober really is, why it’s way more than No Nut November, and how orgasm control might just be the kink that rewires masculinity and makes you a better lover. Lilith, I’d love to give you the moment to introduce yourself. Lilith: Thanks, Annette. Thanks so much for having me. So like you said, I’m a queer BIPOC neurodivergent board-certified sexologist, based out of Houston, Texas. A little bit about me is that I didn’t always find sexuality to be empowering. I actually grew up in purity culture, in a very strict household where sex was not talked about. Periods weren’t even talked about, let alone sex. So I’ve come full circle, and it’s funny, if you told me as a child that this is where I’d be now, I would completely think you were lying. I find sex to now be one of the most empowering, core parts of the human experience. Annette: So many of my experts came from the same origin story. If you’d asked me, I certainly wouldn’t have thought I’d be here today. But I think that’s what makes us extra good at our jobs. We know the journey and how empowering and important it is to whole health, and to society’s whole health. By the end of this episode, you’re going to know how to give Locktober a try, or at least feel better equipped, less afraid, and maybe even inspired to do it. So let’s talk about male chastity and how it’s going to make the men of the world better lovers. Cheers. For somebody new to the concept, could you give a quick explanation of what Locktober is? Lilith: Absolutely. During the month of October, people who identify as male or have a penis will lock themselves into a chastity cage or refrain from sex. It started as something from the perspective of a dominatrix and her sub, so it was a little more from a degradation perspective, but it’s expanded to be so much more than that. Annette: Can you explain male chastity to my listenership? Lilith: Male chastity can be a number of things. For some people it’s a device that locks onto the penis and/or balls and prevents erection and orgasm. A lot of people, especially heteronormative people, when they hear about a penis being locked in a cage, especially if the keyholder is a woman, instantly have a lot of negative connotations. Annette: And especially when it comes to the male ego, the idea of withholding orgasm can feel negative. Can you talk about why it feels so threatening to men, and why in actuality this practice can be empowering to everybody involved? Lilith: Men are conditioned to be the ones in charge during sex, the dominant, the one on top, the one who gives sex as opposed to receiving their own pleasure. Whereas women are supposed to be the submissive ones who receive. That’s the total opposite of Locktober and chastity. Chastity was always something historically reserved for women, stay chaste for your marriage, for your future husband, or he won’t find value in you. So there’s a lot associated with women and submission that goes against how most men were conditioned. The way we flip that on its head is looking at it as an opportunity to be much more intentional about sex and pleasure, both our own and our partner’s. Annette: I said male chastity can make men better lovers. Do you agree, and can you name some reasons why? Lilith: I do agree. There’s so much you can focus on when you don’t have the classic PIV sex on the table. You have to get more creative with your own pleasure and your partner’s. It encourages you to focus on your partner’s pleasure, which is something a lot of women don’t receive in bed. You start to value sex more because you know what you’re missing, so that anticipation and heightened intimacy is there. You have to build patience and self-control, because for once it’s not about you. My partner describes it as, their pleasure suddenly is in the backseat, but it’s so much more heightened. Like a kid that isn’t allowed candy, you want that candy more. There’s also a vulnerability there that a lot of men don’t get to experience, because they’re conditioned not to. But you have to be vulnerable in chastity, especially when someone else is your keyholder. And that gives you the canvas to explore more. Annette: Let’s talk about this erotic canvas. People say, okay, you lock up his penis, then what do we do? Lilith: The game plan is to expand your definition of sex. So many people see sex as PIV and nothing else, whereas oral can be just as satisfying and fulfilling, and yet we treat it as the precursor to “actual” sex. Now we get to focus on making oral the experience. We get to focus on kissing, caressing, touching, sharing space. You can have your partner show you how they pleasure themselves. A lot of couples fall into ruts because it’s easier to do what you know. Annette: As a queer woman, I have partners who don’t have penises, and we have incredible sex. Our hands are instruments, and they can do a lot more than a penis can. Lilith: Absolutely. You have hands, you have toys, you can bring vibration in. And the end of sex is no longer marked by the male orgasm. It becomes collaborative, it ends when you’re both ready for it to end. You can have those two- or three-hour sessions because his penis is not running the show. The other side is if you struggle with erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety, chastity takes that off the table and lets you focus on pleasure. And for survivors of sexual assault, who can find it difficult to connect back to pleasure, it can be a powerful way of reclaiming your own sexuality, even if someone else is your keyholder. Annette: I hadn’t thought about that, for someone struggling with ED that’s charged by anxiety, taking the penis off the table could be incredibly empowering. And can we talk about how arousing it can be for a woman to see a cock in a cage? For me, that’s lingerie. Lilith: It’s so hot. And there are so many styles of cages, so you can find one that works for you. Some people love the cagey look where it peeks out from the holes, others like a fuller cage where it’s completely encased. Annette: I like to see the bars over it. Lilith: Me too, and it’s really fun when you tease your partner and they get an erection and it pokes out a little from the bars. And for someone with ED, chastity can actually let them start to feel the erection come on, because there’s no stress around it. You can or you can’t, it doesn’t matter. The fun happens anyway. Annette: For my listeners less familiar with Locktober, when does the penis go in the cage, when does it come out, do you wear it all day? Can we get into some specifics? Lilith: You want a cage that fits well, that’s the biggest priority, because it’s a safety issue. There’s an inner ring you measure, and a lot of companies that sell cages have a guide on how to measure for their product. Don’t be afraid to contact them directly, they can help with fit. Then you negotiate with your partner how you want to wear it, indefinitely for the month, just at night, just during the day, taken out once a week. There are no health risks with wearing a well-fitting cage, but you always want to be out of it for a doctor’s appointment so they can fully examine you. Some cages are made with TSA-safe materials, but I personally don’t feel comfortable flying in one. You also decide who takes it off, whether you ask permission to come out, and so on. You can urinate while wearing most of them, so you can genuinely have it on for long periods. A lot of people take it off for cleaning, though you can clean with Q-tips even with it on. Annette: For a first-timer, how long would you recommend wearing it? Lilith: It depends on the material. Metal ones feel heavier and take some getting used to, the plastic ones are lighter. If you’ve never worn a cage, try 20 or 30 minutes. It should never be painful, so make sure nothing’s pinching. Then work your way up. Some people wear it during the day the first week and take it off at night. Some jump right in and completely lock up, but I don’t recommend that, because you don’t know how it’ll feel and being uncomfortable the whole time isn’t fun. Start with a soft silicone cage and work your way up. Annette: Along with this video I’m sending out a full guide for how to measure and the different types of cages. Scroll down to the notes for links to those. Get that information before you start, because often people buy a cage, it doesn’t fit, and it becomes a money sinkhole. I want to get into how this improves a man’s skillset in bed, and beyond the skillset, the mental reframe from the conditioning most men received about what sex is supposed to look like. When you’re in a cage, almost all of that is taken away. It’s consensual, you and your partner have your contract, but it’s on her terms if you have a keyholder. How can practicing male chastity change how a man looks at what sex can be, and how he looks at his partner? Lilith: There’s a priority put on your partner, maybe even a level of ownership, even if it’s not a kink relationship. They’re your keyholder, the keeper of the keys, and in a lot of ways they own your pleasure. That’s not a bad thing, it can be incredibly empowering. Even in kink, submissives are often the ones actually in control. You dictate what happens to your cock and how long you wear the cage, it’s ultimately your body, so you have more control than you think while still relinquishing it. And your priority shifts from your own orgasm, which for a lot of men can cloud their judgment about their partner’s pleasure. Reprioritizing what sex looks like can be empowering for the couple. Annette: Many men miss out on the energetic, sexual rush you get from giving and controlling your partner’s pleasure. I love to top in such a way that I’m not even being touched, because I get this full-body energetic, emotional high off being in control of and giving my partner pleasure. Lilith: And for a lot of men there’s no pleasure education, so they don’t know how to get a woman off, where the sweet spots are, how to listen to her body. Then they go in and thrust and come and think, I did it, even though only about 20% of people come that way. Annette: My friend dominatrix Lucy came on and shared a lot about her dynamic, which included giving her husband chores to earn release, a reward system. It helped him learn what she needed from a household and a pleasure place. He knows how to please her now, and she considers him an incredible lover. Do you have thoughts on how that works? Lilith: One thing chastity can do, my partner says this all the time, is make him feel secure, like a warm hug. So it’s not always taking away, it can be giving too. And you can add kink if you want. Even as the cage wearer, you can be the one to give your partner an orgasm and own that orgasm. Annette: I hadn’t thought about that, you could even top with a cage on. Lilith: Absolutely. You can top with the cage. You can get bratty with it, steal your keys back. There’s a lot you can do. It can also bring the spark back by being worn throughout the day when you’re apart. It rubs, you become aware and aroused, you think about your partner knowing they hold the key. It reminds you of the connection and the ownership. Annette: A lot of men come to me wanting to reignite the spark, wanting their partner in the mood when they get home. My feeling is that sex and sensuality should be woven throughout the day, not a switch you flip at bedtime, which is especially challenging for women, who tend to be more responsive and need to be warmed up. Chastity is one way to tie that into your daily interactions and stay connected. What would you say to someone still convinced it’s emasculating, that a truly masculine man wouldn’t do this? Lilith: I’d ask them, is eating pussy ultimately submissive? They’d say no, look what I’m doing for my partner. But it could be a submissive act, or not, the act itself is neutral. The energy you bring to it tips the scales. Same for chastity. Give it a try. You never know how you’ll feel once you have it on. If you hate it, you don’t wear it again. If you love it, a whole new world opens up. Annette: Would you share a little about your relationship, since this is part of your dynamic with your husband, so listeners get a sense of how it can start and look? Lilith: Of course. He was the one to approach me about male chastity. I’d never really heard of it as something people did in modern day, I genuinely thought it was a medieval thing. He’s my submissive, we practice a kink relationship, and he asked permission to buy a cage. I said of course, but I want to make sure it’s safe and fits well. So I was part of shopping for the cage, and that helped, because I had some anxieties. I was like, I don’t want to lock your cock up, that’s my toy getting locked up. Being part of choosing it gave me some of that control back. We started with a Holy Trainer cage, a fully encasing style, in a beautiful shade of pink. This was many years ago. We started with him wearing it during the day, and he was like a cat to catnip with me, constantly wanting to touch me, constantly asking to go down on me. Then we explored wearing it past October, into indefinite wear. Now he wears a Cobra cage, more of a bar design, a lighter 3D-printed waterproof material that’s more comfortable for daily wear. He’s been in chastity indefinitely for years now, taking it off for cleaning. Annette: And you hold the key. Do you put it on? Lilith: He puts it on, because it’s complicated to get the cock through, then he holds it and waits for me, and I put the lock in. Annette: That’s hot. It’s interesting that your first reaction was that it took control away from you. Lilith: It felt like a third party coming in and changing an important aspect of our relationship, something I didn’t understand at the time, because I hadn’t done the research. So I felt like an aspect of control had been taken away. Annette: I’d point out this is a great example of masculine-presenting men asking for this. I think it’s silly that we base so much on the idea of what a manly man is. Those men are locking up their cocks, they see it as exciting and arousing, and powerful people often want to hand that power over for a bit, especially to a feminine being, because a lot of our power is in our beauty and our sexual energy. Lilith: In my experience I’ve seen more masculine-presenting men be into chastity, which initially surprised me, but it makes sense. People in power want to relinquish it sometimes, it’s exhausting. And it lets you be aroused, because the stress of being in power is a libido killer. Stress is a dick shrinker, a clit shrinker, a libido killer. When someone takes that stress from you, the fire can grow. When responsibility is taken away, the only thing left is pleasure, and you get to explore it untethered, pleasure for the sake of pleasure. That makes it one of the most liberating experiences you can have. Annette: If you’re not buying in, imagine having no choice but to touch and explore your partner’s body for hours, because your cock is locked away. You get to touch her everywhere, taste her, do all the things you’ve been thinking about, because she doesn’t just want you to crawl on top and pound away. Who wouldn’t want to do that? So if you’re wondering how male chastity improves a man in bed, it grows your skillset. You get to really learn how to pleasure a woman, which is not something you’re ever taught. It’s not your fault, nobody’s teaching it in mainstream schools, and society tells you your only job is to get your dick in her. Chastity is a great opportunity to learn to be a good lover, to give pleasure and receive it. Lilith: And when your cock is taken away as the sole organ of pleasure, other areas of your body start lighting up. Your own pleasure becomes expansive. One exercise I recommend for couples, whether you do chastity or not, is pleasure mapping together, exploring the erogenous zones of your whole body, paying attention to what feels good. Annette: I’m 51 and still finding places on my body I didn’t know would turn me on, from head to toe. Pleasure is a lifelong journey, it’s not one and done. Lilith: Exactly. It grows with us. When we take our genitals out of the equation and explore other areas, we find new routes to pleasure and fulfillment. Annette: I think we’ve sold it. So for listeners we’ve encouraged to make the leap this October, can you give some next steps? Lilith: Talk to your partner, have them listen to this episode, listen together, and be intentional about the experience you want. Then go cage shopping together. And you don’t have to have a cage, you can do psychological chastity, especially if cost is a barrier or you’re not ready to wear a device. Annette: My last question is for the female listeners. What would you say to the woman this is being brought to, whose instant reaction is “you want to be in a cage”? Lilith: Why wouldn’t you want your partner to set aside how sex has always been and focus on you, your pleasure, getting to know your body, letting you guide where your sex life grows? That’s so fun. And you don’t have to turn into a leather-wearing dominatrix, you can just be yourself. Your priorities shift for a month. Imagine learning new things about your pleasure, having more orgasms, being able to assign him kitchen duty. It’s no longer about working hard to get you an orgasm in a not-fun way, it’s exploratory and fun. Just give it a try for a month, or a week, or even a day. Annette: I’m going to be sending out a full guide to male chastity and a calendar of activities you can do throughout the month, so you have ideas for how to play. Now you know how it’s going to make you better in bed, or more knowledgeable, or capable of receiving more pleasure, because I know it’s often hard for women to lie back and receive. You’ll get practice, and you may never want to stop. Thank you so much for this conversation. Can you tell my listeners where to find you? Lilith: You can find me at lilithfox.com, that’s Fox with two Xs. I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and Blue Sky at The Lilith Fox. Reach out to me directly, I make a lot of content. Annette: If you have questions or comments, head to talksexwithannette.com and drop them, or email me at annette@talksexwithannette.com. If you have a question for Lilith, send it to me and I’ll get it to her. And if you have a story to share, I love hearing your take. Thank you again for joining. And to my listeners, I’ll see you in the locker room. Cheers.
