Most people know what turns them on. Saying it out loud to another person is the hard part. That is exactly what this BDSM checklist is for.
Whether you are brand new to kink or you have been playing for years, a good checklist takes the guessing out of it. You go through the list, mark what you are into, what you are curious about, and what is a flat no, and suddenly you have a real map of your desires instead of a vague hope your partner can read your mind.
Fill it out on your own first. Then, if you want, have a partner fill out their own and compare. There is no pressure to try a single thing on here. The only goal is an honest conversation.
Table of Contents
What is a BDSM checklist?
A BDSM checklist, sometimes called a yes/no/maybe list or a kink list, is a rundown of activities you rate by how interested you are in each one. This one covers 107 activities across 12 categories, from the gentle stuff like blindfolds and light restraint all the way to the advanced end.
You will find sections on roles and dynamics, bondage, impact play, sensation play, power exchange, roleplay, pleasure control, toys and penetration, and a clearly marked edge play section for the higher-risk activities. Nothing is hidden and nothing is assumed. You decide what belongs in your life and what does not.
How to use this checklist
- Fill it out by yourself first. You will be more honest when nobody is watching over your shoulder.
- Rate every line you have a feeling about. Skip the ones you truly do not know yet.
- If you have a partner, have them fill out their own copy the same way.
- Hit the compare button to see where the two of you line up.
- Talk it through. The results are a starting point for a conversation, not a to-do list.
- Print it or save it as a PDF if you want a copy to keep.
Your answers save to your own device and nothing gets sent anywhere, so you can take your time and come back to it.
What the ratings mean
Every activity gets one of four ratings, and each one means something specific.
- Into it. A yes. This sounds good and you want it.
- Curious. A soft yes. You have not tried it, or you are not sure, but you are open to exploring.
- Only if. A maybe with conditions. There is a version of this you might be into, but it depends on the situation, the mood, or the person.
- Hard no. A limit. This is off the table, and that answer deserves full respect.
Making sense of your results
Once both of you have rated the same items, the tool sorts your answers into three buckets so the conversation is easy.
Green lights are the things you both said yes or curious to. This is where you start. Worth a talk covers the mismatches, where one of you is in and the other has a maybe or a condition. Those are usually the most interesting conversations you will have. Limits to honor are the hard nos. There is no convincing and no negotiating here. Respecting a limit is what makes everything else possible.
Safety comes first
BDSM done well is built on communication and trust, not on winging it. A few basics before you play anything on this list.
Agree on a safeword. Plenty of people use the traffic light system: green means keep going, yellow means ease up or check in, red means stop everything now. Pick something you will actually remember.
Start slower and lighter than you think you need to. You can always build up. You cannot take back an injury.
The edge play section exists for a reason. Activities like breath play, needle play, fire play, and sounding carry real physical risk, and most of them call for hands-on learning before you try them. Read the safety notes built into each of those items, and do your homework somewhere reputable before you go there.
Plan your aftercare too. However you played, take time afterward to come back down together, whether that is cuddling, water and a snack, reassurance, or quiet time alone. Consent is ongoing, and either person can change their mind at any point, before or during.
The checklist
Ready? Fill it out below.
Talk Sex with Annette
Your desires and limits, on the table
Fill this out on your own, then compare with a partner. The point is not to talk you into anything. It is to give the two of you an honest map of what sounds hot, what you are curious about, and what is off the table, so nobody has to guess.
Who is filling this out?
Add both names. Your answers save on this device only, so you can come back to it. Nothing is sent anywhere.
Where you line up
Ratings from both of you, sorted so the conversation is easy.
Green lights
Both of you said yes or curious. Start here.
Worth a talk
One of you is in, the other has a condition or a maybe. These are the interesting conversations.
Limits to honor
At least one hard no. No convincing, no negotiating. Respect keeps this fun.
Sex education for grown-ups who want more. talksexwithannette.com
For adults only. This is a conversation tool, not a contract. Consent is ongoing and either of you can change your mind at any time, before or during. Some activities here carry real physical risk. Do your homework before you try them.
BDSM checklist FAQ
Is this BDSM checklist free? Yes. It is completely free, there is no sign-up, and you fill it out right here on the page.
What does yes, no, maybe mean on a kink list? It is shorthand for how a checklist works. You mark each activity as a yes if you want it, a no if it is off the table, or a maybe if you are curious or would only do it under certain conditions. This checklist uses four ratings so you can be a little more precise: into it, curious, only if, and hard no.
What is the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit? A hard limit is an absolute no. It is not up for discussion and it should never be pushed. A soft limit is a maybe with strings attached, something you might be open to depending on the circumstances, the trust level, or how you are feeling that day.
How do I use this checklist with my partner? Fill out your own copy separately, then have your partner do the same, and compare your answers afterward. Doing it apart first keeps you both honest. Come to the conversation curious about what they picked rather than focused on talking anyone into anything.
Do I need to be in a relationship to use it? Not at all. A lot of people use a checklist like this purely for self-discovery, to figure out what they are drawn to before they ever bring it to a partner.
Can I save or print my answers? Yes. There is a button that opens a clean copy of your results and full answers, which you can print or save as a PDF. Your answers also save to your own device so you can come back to them.
Is BDSM safe for beginners? It can be, as long as you build it on communication. Agree on a safeword, start slow and light, skip the edge play until you have real experience, and plan for aftercare. The riskier activities on this list have safety notes attached for a reason.
Keep exploring
New to all of this? Start with our beginner’s guide to BDSM . Dip your toes in the water with chastity and my chastity 101 guide. Or checkout my tips for spanking her right.
