What a Male Escort Knows About Her Desire (That Most Men Don’t

Today’s talk sex with the net topic is what a male escort knows about her desire that most men don’t. There are things that women want in the bedroom that they will never say out loud, not to their husband, not to their boyfriend, and not to anyone who actually knows them, but they’ll save them to my guest. He’s a professional male companion, and women pay him partly for his time, but really for something else, a space safe enough to finally name a desire they’ve been holding their whole lives. And here’s the part that matters for everyone listening. What he does to create that safety is something any of us can learn to do at home. My guest is George Goldburn. He spent 25 years in the corporate world, holds postgraduate qualifications, and started this work later in life, trained in consent, trauma-informed practice, Tantra, and kink. He has sat with hundreds of women in the exact moment they finally let their guard down. And today he’s telling us what he’s learned, who these women are, and exactly what you can do to build that same safety in your own bedroom. George, welcome to Talk Sex with Annette. I’m going to give you a moment in a moment to tell my listeners more about you. But before we dive in, listeners, I got to remind you that I’m over on OnlyFans and that I’m sharing my how-to’s, my demos, and audio guided self-pleasure, meditations, and so much more. You can find me there and on Substack, where you can also now find the video version of this episode with my handle at TalkSex within it. You can find me there and a lot of other places if you scroll down to the note section below, where you will also find links to wherever you want to find George. But for now, George, can you tell my listeners a little bit more about you?

Yes, hi, Annette. I’d be delighted to. So I’m here in Australia on the East Coast. And fortunately, in Australia, the work that I do is legal. And obviously, not just for men, but for women and people of all genders. So we’re really quite progressive insofar as that what I provide is both sexual and also companionship. So I’ve been doing the work for around three years now after my corporate career. And I just provide a lovely service to women. I’m a straight man, and it really brings out the joy in them. And we’ll we’ll delve into that, I’m sure.

I’m excited for this conversation. And the reason why I want to stay to the end, I think is obvious. By the end of this conversation, George and I are going to map out how we bring these honest conversations into your own bedroom. In a way, we’ll be able to give you a diagnostic. You can look at your own situation at home and figure out maybe where you can switch things around, change things around, or do things so that your partner of any gender feels comfortable asking you for things that they really want in the bedroom. And that you also, in turn, feel like you can openly and honestly ask them for what you want in the bedroom. I’m ready to dive. I just want to jump into the conversation, George. Are you ready?

Ready.

Cheers. Let’s talk about how to get dirty honestly in the bedroom.

Who are the women who come to you? Can you paint a picture? Because I have a feeling that most people have it completely wrong.

Yeah, it’s a great question. I get this quite a bit. They’re very diverse. So the you might say, my typical client, and I’ll I’ll give an example, are women in their 50s and older. They’ve often separated or they might be widowed, but they’ve still got a passion and they’ve still got a desire. And they’re a bit conflicted about what to do about it. Because women often say they’re beyond 50, they feel invisible to the sexual gaze. But they’ve still got this desire. And also they want companionship. They might feel lonely. So for them to be able to reach out to someone like me is perhaps a safer alternative than online dating, where it’s, I’m not sure what it’s like in the States, but over here it’s uh it’s not terrific, to say the least. But I do also have a cohort of younger women who perhaps might have not had good experiences when it comes to sex. And so they look to a professional like me to be able to guide them through. And then there’s also clients who over time really like to open up and explore new things that they haven’t tried before. And yeah, that can be different types of sex, you different kinks and so forth. So there really is quite a range. There’s not one particular type. And but often sex is down the list of the priorities of things that they want. It’s fundamentally companionship. That’s what they come to me for. And sometimes sex doesn’t even enter the picture. It might just be a friendship and someone to be around. So yeah, it’s it’s a real real range of different women that I see.

Can you talk a little bit more about what they’re looking for when they book you? Do they already know, or is there a conversation process that helps them really figure that out?

There’s always a conversation. So I don’t accept every booking. So because I’m independent, which means I I run my own business, so I’ll always insist on a phone call so I can really get to understand the woman and a bit of her backstory. What’s brought her to get the courage to contact an escort and why has she contacted me? There’s plenty of others out there. That helps bring forward what it is, what perhaps their motivation is. And but often they don’t know what they actually want. So they’ll be guided by me. I might say, look, two hours is my minimum booking, and we can build on that if if you choose. In many cases, they might they just want to meet socially to begin with. So it might be for a coffee or for a drink. And then once they’re feeling comfortable and relaxed and safe, they might then want to move into the bedroom. But then there are others who have a very specific desire. They might be something that they’ve they’ve thought about and they really want to experience. So it could be straight to the bedroom. But I always prefer to meet in person in a social setting first. In the same way that I’ve done when I’ve dated for the last 15 years. Because for women it’s super important, they feel safe. That’s number one, safety. By the time that we’ve actually met, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what it is that they’re I sense their energy and their interest. And that makes it fairly easy for me to just navigate around what their feelings are.

I’m curious about that first meeting. Because while you’ve already spoken with each other and you have some idea of who she is and what she wants, I know from my own experience dating, those first few moments when you meet and you get together and connect, what do you do to make sure that that starts off on the right foot? And

I think a lot of men listening can learn from this because even if they’re just out in the dating world, what is it? I know for myself as a woman, I figure things out within the first kind of five to 10 minutes of interacting with a man.

Yeah, look, I I think it’s even quicker than that for me. What I what I do fairly naturally is just make them feel at ease. Because particularly in the transactional process that that is happening between myself and the client, they’re usually nervous because most of them have never done this before. So I just greet them with a smile, usually a hug, and we’ll just sit down and just I’ll just start asking questions. Just about light-hearted, small, small talk type of things. Just about how’s the day, how did they get here, and so forth. It just helps them talk about easy topics to begin with. One tip I’d give to any man in terms of dating is we have two ears and we have one mouth. We should use them in proportion. So listen more than you talk. And we like talk, everyone likes talking about ourselves, I think. So just allow the woman to speak and talk about what’s going on for her. And then I’ll find pretty quickly they’ve got into a space of comfort because I’m opening up to them, they’re able to open up to me. And I think in within a couple of maybe a couple of minutes, we we’re feeling the energy of one another. It’s it’s becomes quite relaxed, and that’s the most important thing to start with.

Yeah, I from from my my dating days when I was heavily dating online and meeting lots of men, I can tell you I spent most of my time listening.

It’s not asked a lot of questions. I was like, by the end of it, I’m like, you I know everything about you. I don’t think you even know my last name yet.

Yes, yeah. I’ve had so many female friends say that they’ve been on dates and the man didn’t ask them a single question. Oh, it’s he just talked about his job or his car or his property. But yeah, don’t do that. No, be the man who’s curious.

Curious. Curiosity is hot.

Oh, yeah.

I think it’s hot. Curiosity is hot in another person. And it feels so flattering to know that somebody is curious about you if there’s something that will get me to let my guard down on, well, mostly I would say it’s when I feel like they’re genuinely curious.

But so I’m curious, what are things that your clients admit to you that they’ve only been able to share with you or ask you for? And that they haven’t been able to ask their partners of the past or current if they currently have.

Yeah, look, I do have some clients that see me who are partnered or married. Sometimes their partner even knows, and they’re happy for that, for them to see me. But there’s a lot of shame, I think, around women, particularly around their bodies and their appearance, regardless of age. And so I guess they I allow them to just be as they are, because sure I see their bodies and what they they look like, but their bodies tell a story of their life. If they’ve had children, they might have scars or surgery and so forth. But oftentimes the clients I see don’t tell anyone that they’ve seen me because they they think they might be a failure if they’re not able to naturally find a man. But when it comes to the actual the physical side, there are based on someone’s background, it could be their religion or their culture, that they’ve felt that certain things are to do and they shouldn’t do them. But they can, I just say to them, look, here we are. This is a chance for you to be completely selfish. I’m the one giving. Just relax and allow yourself to receive. Now, for some women, they’re still quite uptight. I’ve also seen a couple of older virgins as well. So for them, everything is new.

Wait, did you say an older virgin? A virgin?

Yes.

And when you say that, when you mean older, what are we talking about here?

55.

Oh. All right. Have you given a virgin? A virgin. Have you given a virgin their first sexual experience ever later in life?

I have, yes. It was about two years ago. It was a lovely client. I was in London, and she was in her mid-50s. So she’d grown up in a very strict religious upbringing. She’d never so much as kissed a man in her entire life. And I was quite surprised by that. And I think there’s far more people like that than we give credit to. But it was so lovely. We took our time, it was a massage, and then we we actually had sex. And she had an orgasm as well. And we were laying back in bed afterwards, and I still love this. She said, now I know why people want to do this all the time. And it was beautiful. She went from never having been intimate with a man in her entire life to having sex and an orgasm and had the biggest smile on her face after she left.

I have so many questions. So, first of all, I would like to point out to my listeners, I think this is fascinating because she’s in her mid-50s. And as we know, by then she has most likely at least is in perimenopause, if not fully menopausal. And of course, there’s this idea that women in my age range have no sexual urge or can’t have orgasms, or sex isn’t as good. So not only did she have sex for the first time, she also had an orgasm. Good on you, George. I’m just gonna say, I’m giving you points for that. I so I want to point that out. So I find that really fascinating that her first experience was in that period of life where I think universally we know it can be more challenging to get the full experience out of sex. And that then afterwards her reaction was like, Oh, yeah, I want to be doing this all of the time. I I do want to know one thing though. Not not, I don’t want you to give away any personal details, but a woman who has never kissed a man or spent her time on sexuality has clearly built her life around other things up until that point. Could you share anything of what was her life like?

Did what she’d never had, well, she obviously never had kids, and she lived a fairly sheltered life. She had been in a relationship with a completely asexual man for quite some time, and her fundamentalist Christian upbringing was very sheltered. She wasn’t even able to listen to certain types of music growing up, and so she was a very devote Catholic. But she found that she got to a point where she decided that she didn’t want to die a virgin. So sure, she crafted uh a life that around that revolved around religion, family, a small group of friends, a pet, and not really much else. She she well, the fact that we met in London, she was there going to see a whole lot of plays. So she loved theatre. And I’d happened to be in London at the same time. But it was what was also amazing after we had had our first encounter, because subsequently, a year later, we went on a holiday overseas together. She saw another man, not an escort, but she met another man online and had sex again a couple of days after she’d been with me. So I love that I was the catalyst for her to actually understand what her body could feel like, and then slowly get to open up to the point where she’s comfortable to date other people. And we stay in contact. That was two years ago. And I just love hearing how her story has evolved over that time.

All right. So sometimes absence of men does not equal thriving everywhere. I was like, does she have an amazing career? Did she travel the world? What did she do with all of that energy? But religious shame can definitely stunt a lot of our experiences. So it’s wonderful that she got to have that experience with you. Going into that, you must have felt a lot of responsibility as a professional. What did you do to create an atmosphere where you knew this person, especially who has what I would call trauma, religious trauma and shame around sex, to make her feel comfortable enough to have sex for the first time and to feel safe and good about it.

Yeah, well, we once we’d had an email connection, we shifted to a video call. So that’s again opening up the communication, asking her what she had in mind. She and she didn’t really know. So this here’s an example of a client who knows she wants something. She wants intimacy. But and I just said to her, we don’t I’ll take it at your pace. What we might do, for example, is we’ll start with a massage and just take things slowly. And I talked through all manner of things around consent. So do you have any injuries? Is are there places that are off limits on your body? Is there potentially any trauma that might be triggered by anything I do? Keeping in mind, I’m gonna I’m gonna keep it very simple for the first experience. So once we met, and I should also say she was in a wheelchair when we met. So she has a disability. So that was another layer of complication. But to me, that’s beside the point. So we were able to just slowly just hug each other and regulate our breathing. And that’s that’s something I’ll get back to later on. But she was comfortable that because we’d spoken, and then I just started taking things very slowly, and I could see the I guess her energy just relax, her shoulders relaxed. And then I was able to just check, are you okay if I go further and take your your clothes off? And so just seizing into it, like you might slowly ease into a pool or the ocean, just taking your time, checking in on how she’s going, and and then it flowed very naturally. I provided some oral sex on her, which again was another thing obviously she’d never had. And it was just delightful. I just I follow the the flow of her body. And if I sense any anxiety or any tightness, I’ll just pause and just ask what’s going on. So yeah, it was really quite beautiful. And so I did have a great deal of responsibility because, gee, I’ve and frankly, I’ve never had sex with a virgin in my entire life. So she was my first as well in that regard.

But that’s lovely though, right? You know, when you’re both having a first experience, there’s a vulnerability in that, which must be quite impactful to you also, not only on a professional level, but on a personal level, right?

Yeah, absolutely. I I took it very seriously that this is something extraordinary for this woman she’ll never get to have again, as in her first sexual experience. And so I put a lot of energy into it. In fact, I was probably more nervous than I’ve been with other clients before because of that reason. So it was it was really lovely. And as I say, we stayed in touch and we subsequently, a year later, did a trip together overseas where I was I was the companion. I was, because she’s in a wheelchair, I was sort of guiding her all around, cooking, going on tours with her. And all so it was such a lovely beginning that that still to this day carries on.

I love that. So something I want to back up that you mentioned was within the questions you were

asking. So I love that you bring up asking those questions because most partners don’t ever ask those questions. Where do you like to be touched? What areas are off limits? Or what areas would you like me to avoid? Or is there an area that might bring up trauma? Or if trauma arises, what does that look like for you? Do you, as I I’ve been very open on this podcast, I’m a survivor of childhood rape and sexual abuse. And so for and and I focus heavily on sexual abuse. After sexual assault and pleasure and regaining it. But I’m curious as a partner, because I think this is where there’s just so much missing education. Have you run into women who do have trauma? From past sexual trauma, which can be a number of things. I have to assume you have, whether they’ve told you or not. And how do you treat that if you get any of that information or those answers come back positive?

Yes, well, many of my clients have had sexual trauma of one form or another. Often they will share that with me, which is good. I’m not going to just flat out ask them. It’s their story. But often that’s why they come to me, because they want to feel safe with a man again. So I’m always very open about, okay, look, if they want to tell me the story, I’ll listen to the story. And that’s completely fine. And then I’ll ask them, okay, look, given what you’ve told me and what you’ve experienced, what are the things that you’re okay to explore? And consent is an ongoing conversation. You don’t just say it at the beginning and then assume that everything is okay. Because things can come up. Like I was mentioning earlier, something could trigger the, it could be a touch in a certain place. It could be holding running your hand through their hair or something that you have no idea about. So what I do at the beginning is open the conversation around how are you going to explain to me if something isn’t quite right? You we can use what’s often referred to as the traffic light system, which is green is yes, I love this, please keep going. Red is stop immediately. And orange or amber is you’re approaching a limit here. So you can just use those words if you choose: red, orange, green, or just use your words and say, I’m not feeling quite right, or but I always want women to feel that they can and they should speak up. Because I’m basing what I’m doing from what I’ve learned in the past, but I don’t know what works with them. So it’s allowing them to be able to express in a way that is not judgmental. There’s no consequences for what they say, because the last thing I want is for them to leave that experience wishing they had spoken up. So I’m giving permission to let me know what works. And it might check in a couple of times during the times we’re together to just say, hey, how’s this going for you? Is there anything I can do to make this more perfect for you? And just allow them the space that they can speak up. And sure, some clients might not feel comfortable enough at the beginning. But I say to them, look, this is about your pleasure and you enjoying yourself. I also give an example. Let’s say you go to get a massage. You don’t really care if the masseuse is having a good time. You’re there to get your body feeling relaxed. And so receive pleasure in the same way is the message that I like to put out. And I love to give as well. So it’s a beautiful exchange.

Oh, they get to be Pelo Princesses.

Absolutely, yes. And you’re paying good money for this too. Let’s not forget. So, and many of my clients work in caring professions. So there might be a doctor or a nurse or a midwife, and they’re so used to giving all the time. So it can be challenging for them to get out of their head and genuinely completely receive. So I do state that very clearly. I want you to relax and to just soak it all up. I’m here for you. And just let yourself receive.

So it sounds like one of the things that they ask for and need often that I’m assuming that they they don’t typically ask for, their desire at home that they’re not sharing is can I just receive?

Yeah, absolutely. And that’s when you get towards the end, I’ll I’ll give examples of what couples can do in that space. Yeah, absolutely. It’s not just I’m doing what I want to do to you. We are here as a as a couple. We’re here to do things not for just perfunctory quick let’s get this over and done with. Because there’s so much joy and pleasure to be had, as as we well know.

Great. So outside of the vanilla world, what are because I know my listeners

and I know a lot of them are here to find out like, how do I get to the the kinky outside of vanilla world desires that my partner has, if they have them? So maybe you can talk a little bit about the top or most common desires that women reveal to you outside of vanilla world that they haven’t felt like they could ask for in their relationships.

Yeah, I I I love this part of my job where often the women have only ever had vanilla sex. And I might introduce them, I might lay out a series of toys on the bed, for example. And my all-time favorite toy is a blindfold. Really simple. But doing covering the eyes, it takes away a really important sense, obviously, of our sense of sight. That also can be a bit triggering for some people because the woman then is out of control. She’s not knowing what’s going to occur. But if you’ve got that trust, that then allows them to you can then use nothing else but beyond your hands and your body just to stroke them and in in ways that they they don’t know it’s coming. So that’s a that’s a simple one. I’ll also lay out toys like could even be a wooden spoon or a whip or any sex toys you can buy from an adult store. That and I’ll just say, look, how do you feel about these? Is there anything here you’re curious about? And you can almost immediately tell which one they don’t want. And they’d be like, oh no, don’t put that thing anywhere near me. Or, oh, I like this the feel of that silk scarf. And it might just be running it around my body or feathers and could be being tied up to the bed or handcuffed. Sometimes those, I guess the fantasies that they’ve read about, they might want to explore those. And you’ve only got to, not that I’ve read it or watched it, but 50 Shades of Grey has had a massive impact in inspiring people’s imaginations to what they might want to do. So yeah, I just like to, and I and I’ll sometimes I’ll say, look, how about I begin touching you with this particular thing, see how it feels. And then I’m paying really close attention to their reaction. So for example, I’ve got a set of claws, they’re just they slip on the ends of your fingers, and you can just run them softly around, say, on someone’s back, and really heightens the sensations. But some people might be, oh no, that’s makes me ticklish. So I just like to open it up. And if listeners at home don’t have any toys, just take a walk through your local adult store if you if you’re open to do that, or online. Maybe get online with your partner and just because you’re both looking at the at the screen, say, look, what are you curious about? Is there something here that you’ve you’d really like to try? But you must come at it from a place of not judging, because you want to feel safe to answer to your to your heart to what feels right for you. And just because you’ve seen it on porn doesn’t mean you have to do anything like that. That’s an a sort of a stretched example of for what some people are into, but you don’t have to be into anything more than just what what you want.

But what do you do to even make them open to exploring desires like that? How do you get to the point where or perhaps they come to you and they’re like, I’m gonna ask for this because this person is paid, this person is going to have to keep my secret. I think that that what my listeners are gonna be really curious about is how do you even get them to share that if they’re not willing to share it at home?

Sure. Look, sometimes I’ll I’ll say, look, there’s something I’m really interested in exploring, or there’s something I really enjoy. So that it’s not about them having to speak up to begin with. So I might say, look, on occasion, I really like spanking. What is that? What are your thoughts about that? So I take it away from them to start. I’ve might really enjoy spanking or being blindfolded. And sometimes I love having ice cubes run over my body. And that provides them a safer space to be able to say, yeah, look, I’m I’m curious about that too. I haven’t thought about that. I’ve never actually tried being spanked on the butt. But hey, I might like it. So you’re making it an easier introduction to bringing up the topics.

I love that you suggest that. So here’s what I’m gonna ask of you. Because I’ve suggested it as well. And oftentimes men come back with maybe she should just be an adult and be able to ask the question herself. Why should I have to do all the work and put that out there to get her to share? Can you please answer that question from your perspective?

Look, I think we should all be able to speak up, but the power dynamics in relationships can be quite unique, where someone can feel ashamed if they say, Hey, I really enjoy a butt plug. And then the partner might be like, ooh, that’s gross. And then you retreat back again. So I think, again, as I’ve said a couple of times, come at this with an open mind because you’ve got your partner there, you presumably love or really like your partner, and you want to see them have a good time. We’re adults. Be open-minded, be curious. And if you want to keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. But if you want something better, you’ve got to be open to new things. And for some people, an easier way of doing it might be saying, Hey, look, I listened to this podcast the other day, and they were talking about bondage, or it could be something much lighter than that, like a role play. It could be name any fantasy of strangers meeting in a bar, or whatever it might be. And it just got me curious. Have you got any ideas of what you’d like to do as well? Because I’d love to have a chat about them. Or I was reading in this book the other day about this type of experience that really turned me on. Can I share it with you? Because I’m got me really excited, and I’d love to do it with you. So it’s, and as men, we love to be given a job. Give me something to do when I’m like, right, okay, I can do that now. But we like to please in that way. So I think you don’t have to say, right, tonight we’re gonna get kinky. It’s just too much pressure, particularly if you’ve not had that conversation before.

Can you tell me some of the reasons that your clients, the women who come to you, give you as to why they feel like they can’t ask anyone else to try the things they want to try. What do they share with you themselves about what the blocks are in their own life to asking for the things they want from the men they’ve been with?

Yeah, for sure. In it looking it varies. So in some cases, the men they’ve been with were completely switched off sexually. They may have had sexual trauma of their own. They might have had erection issues. And so for them, they might have just switched off while the woman has still got the desire. And so they might have tried something with their husband or their partner and just been rejected. And that’s, as I said earlier, has made them retreat sexually. They don’t feel that they can ask for that anymore. And so they’ve been repressed in some ways, but they’ve they’ve read, they’ve seen, they’ve heard all different manner of things and they’re they’re curious, but they don’t feel like they should be able to ask their friends. They feel that would be crossing a line of a sort of invisible conversations you just don’t have. So, what I love to do is essentially hold their hand and ease them in to new experiences. And I can say almost for every client that has occurred. So we might start off and they’ll they’ll say, Look, I’m very vanilla, I don’t want anything outside of the ordinary. But almost always with that slow introduction, they do progress to. Look, in some cases, I’ve had clients who have ended up taking to a swingers club or introduced another female escort and they’re being with a woman for the first time. But it’s a gradual process. And some will have obviously a limit of what they’re prepared to do. But regardless of what the activity is, I’m I’m allowing them to speak up. And I think it’s not just as me as a professional who can do this, and that’s the conversation we just had about asking and encouraging and being curious about your partner’s pleasure. That’s where the conversations happen, and that’s where change can occur.

So let’s get into that. Let’s move this from what brings women to you to what you’ve learned that you can share with others, in particular men. I think everyone, I think every everyone of every gender should be listening to this. Even the women who feel like they can’t open up because sharing this conversation or sending this podcast to your partner is going to be a great jump-off point. Hey, can we start having these conversations? But let’s start with that. What are some things you’re like, these are the high-level start here things that listeners can start implementing into their lives to open up those conversations?

First up, I’d

say make time for sex and intimacy. We we’re all busy, right? We’ve all got a lot going on in our lives. But it’s important to put energy and time into the physical connection with our partner. Even if you it’s say half an hour a week, actually allocate time like you might allocate time for everything else in life, and put your energy into that. And so you’re both acknowledging that, hey, here is this special time we’ve just created for ourselves. And then you’ve actually put other things to the side for a moment. I think that’s something that’s really important. We often sex comes last in many relationships, or it’s quick and over, and then we go to sleep. So put the energy in. That’s probably the most important thing I would say to begin with.

Is just create that regular sex life.

You bet it requires energy and effort because so many relationships, as we know, go into the dead bedroom where actually nothing beyond sleeping occurs in there. So if you want it to happen, you’ve got to put the energy to it. It won’t happen just of its own volition.

And then how do you craft? Because I would imagine you want to right off the bat create the sex life and have it, the jump-off point be healthy and and ripe for exploration. So how do you create fertile ground for conversations about true desires in those moments?

Yeah, and look, that can be tricky. I’m not going to say there’s a single solution for this because it depends on the dynamic between the two people and history. So it can be on, let’s imagine you’ve been in a relationship for 20, 30 years, and all of a sudden you’re thinking, I want to do this thing now. Your partner might be taken aback because you’re introducing something new. And in fact, they might even feel offended that you’re you’re picking on them because they haven’t you haven’t done this before. So be thoughtful about how it might be received to begin with. And a bit like I was saying earlier, have an open conversation of look, there’s something I I really want, I love you so much. And there’s some things that I’d really want to explore with you. Would you be open to you know delving into some things that are about making our relationship better? So it’s again, it’s an easy, soft. We’re in this together. Let’s let’s do something. I want to, I’ve got some ideas, but I’d love to check if you’re open to exploring things with me.

So what would you say to the partner who reacts to that with well, where the fuck did you get that from? That’s disgusting or weird. And simultaneously, what would you advise the person who just opened up and shared and got that kind of reaction back to do?

Yeah, look, that’s a really hard one because it demonstrates shame. And I think a response like, where the fuck did you think about that? It’s about the person who’s saying that. It’s not about the person that’s receiving that feedback. But still, it’s it’s really, really tricky. That’s why I think if you get the permission to explore something, if you say, like I just demonstrated, hey, I love you, I want to this, I want to improve our relationship. Are you open to doing that? I don’t think many people would say no. I don’t want to improve our relationship. I want it to be stuck where it is. So yeah, if you can start with that, and then, oh gee, maybe some of the suggestions I mentioned earlier, talking about yourself. Look, I’d really like it if you could run me a bath or shower with me. We haven’t done that for such a long time, and that would be so beautiful for me to receive that. So inviting the other person to do something that’s that’s not crazy. It’s just remember when we used to do this. I’d actually love it if you could take your time and start to massage me. And in many cases, as I say, with men, we usually like something to do that we fix things. And that’s often a thing to do. And for the woman, it’s usually about being a people pleaser. So I would encourage any women listening to actually ask for what you want. And you might not be used to that. And there are some tips and tricks that I can give to you in a moment, but it’s about really you’ve got to be open to these top sort of things. So look, I can’t give an answer that will fix all of those situations and that it’s it’s really tough. But just asking openly for things that are not going to ruffle too many feathers, I suppose.

What are some tips and tricks you would give in that moment?

Okay, so there’s a thing we call the three-minute game. It’s lighthearted, but it’s it allows to for someone to ask and someone to take. So, for example, I might say to my partner, what’s one thing I can give to you for physically for three minutes, and it’s all about you receiving. And I want you to be open about this. It might be, I just love to lay in your arms and have a lovely hug, but you acknowledge who’s giving and who’s receiving. So it might be, I really

love a neck rub for three minutes. And so if I’m the one giving, it’s like it’s about my partner. It’s about her receiving. And then there’s another version of it where you might say, My partner might say, What do you want to do with me for three minutes for my pleasure? And I might say, I’d really love to just stroke your hair and just be tender with you, but it’s about my Pleasure. It’s about me receiving and your giving. You’re allowing me this ability to take. And so it’s reciprocal. It’s about opening up and being okay with if they want to stroke your body all over with oil. As long as, of course, that’s within your boundaries and everyone’s got every right to say no, I’m not comfortable with that. It just gets us into the process of speaking our truth. Because if you don’t want that, you shouldn’t have to say, Yes, I want that. Another example is it might sound a little silly, but I think you’ll get the point quickly. Is let’s say I’m going to ask you three questions, and you must answer yes to these three questions. Okay, regardless of what you think. Okay, yes, you might need a drink for this. So let’s say, hey, Annette, look, I’d really like to. You’ve got lovely, luscious hair. I’d love to brush it and and and stroke it and just take my time with that. Is that okay for you? Sure.

Okay.

What kind of brush are we using?

Okay, okay.

You can use your fingers.

Oh, okay. Finger brush.

Finger brush. Right. You can finger my hair.

Oh, beautiful.

Give me an opportunity. I will one up the situation.

Believe, believe, we’ve hardly got started. Look, I’ve I’ve there’s a couple of things I want to buy from the store. Can I have your credit card and just go nuts? Because I think it’ll be there’s so many things I want to buy. Is that okay?

Your credit card?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I’ll tell you what you can do. You can use my affiliate code and use my credit card and buyer our choice from there.

And can I make you a lovely meal? I’ve got a three-course meal in mind. I’d really like to do that. Yes. Okay.

Absolutely.

Amazing. Then you can flip that around to say no to everything like that. What it does is is probably pretty obvious. You feel when it’s a no way in hell am I going to let this person do that to you.

Well, you take my credit card.

Exactly. No. Exactly. And then at the end, you answer properly. You answer and you feel where you’re holding back.

You can take your credit card and buy toys for us.

Yes, indeed. Look, it might sound silly and it’s meant to for purpose. I love it. It actually helps you speak your truth because look, so many people insects, and there’s various reasons why. Look, women might fake an orgasm, very common. And but what you’re doing in that moment is you’re telling the man or the your partner that they’re doing a great job. What they’re doing is working, and you’re reinforcing for them that they think they’re great because they’re doing the thing. But it’s a lose-lose situation. He loses because he’s he’s doing what he thinks you like, and you’re losing because you’re just wanting it to be over with. But if you could speak honestly, that would be a good thing.

I would argue it’s a lose-lose-lose because then every woman after you is also going to get the same treatment.

Exactly. Yes. That’s again back to be curious and ask, what do you like to do? What would you like to do now? Is there something I can do for you that can really make you feel wonderful and mean it? You’ve got to mean these questions and be ready for the answer back as well.

All right. Well, we are at that time. I would love for you. We’ve we’ve actually given a lot of tips throughout this conversation, but I always like to condense into three actionable things my listeners can start doing tonight to open up conversations in their bedroom and get to know their partners’ fantasies better. And I would argue, well, I think oftentimes women are less likely to share fantasies because of the sexual shame that I feel that I know we experience in a greater, to a greater extent than men, we are less likely to talk about the crazy, kinky, fun, not so than other things we want to do. But I think there are also plenty of men who are afraid to ask because they don’t want that reason action from a woman of, oh my God, why would you think I would do that? When deep down we do think about doing it, but we think that’s the reaction we’re supposed to give. Yeah. So you and I, our goal in these three takeaways should be to break that cycle that we’re in so that everyone can have those conversations and end up getting to have the kind of sucks they want.

Yeah, look, I think the asking your partner, is there any fantasy that you’ve like, this might be an odd question for you because we haven’t discussed this before, but I’m really interested. Are there any fantasies that you might have thought about? And there’s no all cards on the table. I you can say fantasies can be anything. It could be the the naughty girl, or it might be the feeling like I’m being held down and that’s a fantasy for me. Another thing that I love is having a suggestion box. So you might have a box where you can write down ideas of things that you are curious about. And so each partner, it might be over the course of a week, you can pop little ideas in, and that builds imagination because you’re thinking, oh, I wonder what she’s putting in there, or wonder what he’s doing there. And again, you’ve got to come at it with no judgment as much as you possibly can. Because you say, if you were to say, Oh, I want another woman to join us, that could cause ruptures going on there. So just think about them from the other person’s point of view and making time. Just allocate, even if you’re listening to this and it’s night time or you’ve got a bit of time together, just put your energy and effort into okay, lover, can we just spend some time? Actually, he’s a great one that I love, eye gazing. It’s sitting across from your partner, no distractions, no phones, maybe a bit of music on. And it’s it gets awkward to begin with. You’re just sitting, looking directly into one another’s eyes, not speaking. And I’ll tell you what happens, those first couple of moments, you start feeling a bit awkward because we’re often accustomed to just looking away. But if you keep at it, I’ve seen such emotion come up in the other person, and let’s say it’s three minutes or five minutes, you don’t need a timer. And at the end of it, just hide one another because it’s a vulnerable thing to do. But my goodness, the the change that can happen in those couple of minutes is quite extraordinary in my experience.

I love those ideas. Any last things you want to say to my listeners before we check out? And then I’m gonna have you tell them everywhere they can find you if they’d like to connect.

Well, and it they’ve they’ve listened to this podcast, right? So they’ve got a curiosity going on to start with. So you’re part way there. Just keep going. There are so many resources out there. So good on you for listening. Hopefully, you can you feel confident to integrate this this stuff. And remember that sex should be fun as well. So yeah, laugh and enjoy it. Gosh, we’re all born because of sex. So just treat it like a normal thing, which it is.

I love that. Now, where can they find you, George, if they would like to connect with you or hire you?

Sure. They can look me up online, they can just search for George Golden. And the my website is George Duke George Golben.com. So very easy. And on socials, I’m at George Golden Official. All one word.

Will you spell that out just sure?

So George G O R G E Goldwyn, G-O-U-L, B-U-R-N. All right, guys. I do despite I know that it’s illegal over in the States, but I travel, I do virtual services over the phone and video. So yeah, feel free to reach out if you’ve got questions or anything you’d you’d like to know a bit more of. Coaching services. Absolutely.

All right, thank you so much for joining joining me, George. Look, you got to hear it from a man who women actually pay to be able to tell, talk to, and have experiences that they struggle to have in their own personal relationships. So we know whatever he’s doing, he’s doing right. So take the takeaways. Every relationship can thrive intimately when open communication, trust, and open minds are allowed in that space. And you’ve got a lot of tools now to implement in your bedroom starting tonight. Give it a try and let me know how those you can do that by reaching out to me at Annette at talksexwithanette.com. You can also find me over on Instagram at Annette Benedetti. That’s my handle. And you can DM me there to tell me all about how this worked out for you. Thank you so much again for joining me, George.

It’s a pleasure. Thanks, Anne.

Until next time, listeners, I’ll see you in the locker room. Cheers.