What Is Penis Worship? A Step-by-Step Guide to Cock Worship

Annette: Today’s Talk Sex with Annette topic is cock, also known as phallus worship: what it is, why it’s hot for everyone, and exactly how to do it. Everybody knows men want to be worshipped in bed. That’s not news. The question is, what’s in it for the person doing the worshipping? Because done right, worshipping him isn’t a favor and it isn’t service with a fake smile. It’s one of the hottest things you can do for your own pleasure. Think a full-body, slowed-down, deeply erotic experience where the giver holds all the power and gets turned on doing it. When a couple brings worship into their bedroom, everything changes. The pace slows, the attention deepens, and both of you remember what it feels like to be completely present with each other’s body.

My guests are Elle and Vee, hosts of Girls Gone Deep, a podcast for the open-minded, curious, and naughty, where two sex-positive women in an ethical non-monogamy lifestyle talk about using sex and dating for personal growth. Elle and Vee, welcome. Can you introduce yourselves?

Vee: Hi, I’m Vee. I’m a sex-positive lady living in New York City and a somatic embodied intimacy coach. I work primarily with women and couples to tune into their bodies, find their authentic desires, and be able to communicate them.

Elle: Hi everybody, I’m Elle. I’ve been in an ethically non-monogamous relationship for about 12 years with my husband, and Vee and I have had the podcast for about four or five years. Being in this lifestyle has taught us so much about relationships, community, connection, and love, and sharing that with others has become a real passion project.

Annette: I’ll admit up front, where I’m most skilled is in understanding how to pleasure a woman or a person with a vulva. That’s my area. When it comes to penises, I’m a very embodied learner, and because I don’t have one, I sometimes feel like I don’t know what to do. So I’m here to learn too. And a quick note: this can absolutely be done with a strap-on, so my queer friends, this is for you as well.

Vee: Yes. We both love cocks, and unlike you, I feel less knowledgeable about the vulva, so I love learning from your episodes. This is my chance to share all my field research.

Annette: Let’s start with the basics. What is cock or phallus worship?

Elle: It’s a practice of devotion. When you think of the word worship, it’s awe, reverence, praising something, almost godlike. You’re treating the phallus as a wondrous thing and showing it presence and appreciation. That energy is completely different from oral sex, which tends to be repetitive with a goal in mind. Worship is slow. There’s no expectation, not even of an erection. It can be soft. It’s about being present, showing love, and the giver getting to really learn their partner’s body.

Vee: It’s a gift to your partner, an opportunity for them to receive with no expectation of orgasm. I think of it as a meditation on the power and beauty of the phallus. When you really consider what it is, an organ that can create life, and meditate on the pleasure it gives, you can pour love and reverence into it.

Elle: Something that gets overlooked: men also carry shame and pressure about their appearance. Is it big enough, the right shape, does it curve. Worship can be healing. Imagine a partner ashamed of his size or curve, and someone praising it and loving it exactly as it is, with no expectation. That can be profoundly healing, the same way we talk about the pressure women carry about their bodies.

Vee: And no expectation of getting hard either. We love a soft phallus. If your partner deals with ED, erectile dysfunction, this can be really healing because there’s no pressure. You’re just showing him how much you love his body no matter what it’s doing.

Annette: It’s a worship of the body. And it’s an opportunity to explore his body and learn the different pleasure zones, which we don’t talk about enough. So someone like me could use worship sessions to explore and build confidence for regular sex.

Vee: Absolutely. You’re touching parts of them you might not usually focus on. One caveat: just like vulva worship and yoni massage overlap but differ, cock worship and lingam massage differ too. Yoni and lingam massage release tension and held trauma with a specific purpose. Worship is purely devotional, giving love and acceptance.

Annette: For my listeners, lingam is another word for penis. So, what’s the payoff for the partner, especially a cis woman who’s thinking, there’s already an orgasm gap, and now I’m doing more giving?

Elle: For me, giving lets me step into my feminine energy: love, creation, connection, flow. It’s also an empowering, in-control position. And there’s a healing piece for the giver too, because you’re releasing the expectation of making him orgasm. As people-pleasers, a lot of us carry that pressure. Here, it’s just a pleasure experience without it.

Vee: It’s about connection. This isn’t your typical sex where each of you is chasing climax. It’s a healing, meditative, connective experience. And it feels good physically too. When you lube up and use your body, it’s arousing. I think about thanking my partner for everything he does outside the bedroom. It’s a gift and a moment for him. You can even put a timer on it, 15 or 20 minutes, so it doesn’t feel like too much.

Annette: That time to be intimate without expectation is itself a gift. I’m a bit of a pleasure dom. I love to give without receiving anything, and I get an energetic kind of satisfaction from it. A lot of the pleasure of sex is in the giving. If you’re not experiencing any of that, it’s worth reassessing where you’re at.

Let’s get into the step-by-step. Start with the conversation and setup.

Elle: Setup first. Put your hair up, because your hands will be lubed and you don’t want to be touching your face or hair. Lay out a blanket, keep lube within one-handed reach. A tip for later: keep a hand on him at all times, even when you reach for lube, so you don’t break the momentum. Get the lighting and music right, and set the space so you won’t be interrupted. And if something breaks the moment, laugh, reset, take a breath, and get back in.

Vee: Like any encounter, take care of the brakes and accelerators ahead of time, the things that stop or start arousal, so you can relax and be in the moment.

Elle: And one thing every woman needs to hear: don’t approach this from depletion or obligation. That’s not devotion. If you’re doing it because you think you have to be a good partner, reassess, because the disconnect will show.

Vee: Mindset is everything. I treat it like a meditation and get into the zone of transmitting love and acceptance.

Annette: What’s the conversation to bring it into the bedroom?

Elle: Talk about fears, desires, and boundaries. “I’m going to give to you. All you have to do is receive.” Ask what they need to relax and receive, what they hope for, what they’re worried about, and any hard limits, so you don’t push too far in the moment.

Vee: Broaching it is easy: “I heard about this on a podcast and I’d love to try it.” Most people are open to lying back and receiving, though someone who struggles to receive might feel anxiety. Frame it as a chance to practice, and a timer can help, because they know it’s a set amount of time.

Elle: A numbered scale helps too. One is “feels good,” ten is “about to climax.” You can hold him at an eight, which is also great endurance and edging practice for anyone who finishes too soon.

Annette: Now the how-to. The scene is set. Walk me through it.

Vee: You can use all parts of your body, and you’re not just touching the phallus. You can frame it as a massage. I start with lubed hands on the inner thighs, going slow, then move up and around the base, making circles with my thumbs. There can be so much tension in that whole area. Savor your partner’s body and touch every part with curiosity and reverence.

Elle: Definitely lube. I like coconut oil since I usually incorporate oral and it’s edible, but use whatever suits you. Warm up the whole area, flaccid or erect, it doesn’t matter. Rub the balls, up from the perineum, all the way to the tip and back down, in slow circular motions, adding lube as needed. I always think, if this were mine, what would I want to feel? Go slow, lightest touches first, and stay playful and curious.

Vee: Imagine it’s the first time you’re ever exploring his body. And add words and eye contact. When you make eye contact while you worship someone, they feel your reverence and love. Only say what you truly mean, or you erode trust. It can be about his body or just the experience: “I love making you feel good. Your skin feels so good under my hands.”

Elle: Authenticity matters. You can also gently bring him toward erection by gripping the base while stroking the top, which keeps blood flow in and heightens sensation. And even semi-soft, one of the best things is cock warming, which Vee can speak to.

Vee: Cock warming is holding him in your mouth while he’s soft, staying completely still, no movement, no goal, just letting him feel the warmth and wetness. Because the nerve endings are closer together when soft, it can feel especially intense. I do it with my dominant as a power-play thing, but it’s also just a beautiful devotional act.

Elle: Throughout, keep an eye on your partner. Check in with simple yes or no questions like “Do you want more pressure, yes or no,” so it’s easy for him to answer.

Annette: Can we focus on other areas beyond the phallus?

Vee: Absolutely. Open up the chest and heart, rub the pectorals, explore the nipples if that’s something he enjoys. It can be a great chance to explore an area that’s usually overlooked.

Annette: Let’s talk scent, since we did with yoni worship. Is taking in the scent part of this?

Vee: Yes, and it can be healing. Men are taught less about this, but it’s the same idea. Wash beforehand so you’re getting his natural scent and pheromones, then breathe him in and tell him he smells amazing. That reassurance is healing.

Annette: What’s the key difference between a lingam massage and cock worship?

Elle: A traditional lingam massage is a three to four hour process with a discussion, a full-body massage, then the lingam work, and it tends to have goals. Worship is shorter and is purely about letting him receive your gift. It’s just about the pleasure and the connection.

Vee: Think of it like a massage. Lingam massage is more like sports medicine, working out specific things. Worship is like a vacation massage. Lie back and receive because it feels good.

Elle: A few more hand techniques before we talk about ending. You can push the phallus to one side toward the thigh and use your thumb on the opposite side to relax any tension. Play gently with the balls, gathering them up, licking or tickling, checking in about pressure. Use your thumbs on the frenulum, the most sensitive spot, in a circular motion. Use your breath, blowing warm air across wet skin. And you can stroke with both hands alternating, squeezing and pulling upward, then relaxing back to the base.

Vee: Flatten your tongue on the balls and add breath, and you can hum while cock warming. Toys work too, like a cock ring if he wants to feel firmer. You can use your feet, your ass cheeks, whatever you like. The sky’s the limit. And you can carry these slower, non-goal movements into your regular sex life too.

Annette: How does it end?

Elle: It usually dissipates naturally. You slow down even more and ask if there are any final touches he’d like to enjoy. That signals you’re wrapping up. It’s mostly a conversation and a gradual slowing.

Vee: If he climaxes, he can finish then, or you can keep lovingly touching him through his refractory period while he’s soft. It comes to a natural end, and then you go into cuddle mode so he feels loved. That’s the aftercare that finalizes the connection.

Elle: I end with a couple of kisses directly to it, cheek against it, a little loving expression.

Vee: And sometimes you get turned on. With no pressure on him to perform, you can say, “I’m really turned on right now, I’d love to give you a show,” and let him watch your pleasure. It’s another way to keep giving and transition into something else.

Annette: Give my listeners three things they can do tonight.

Vee: Number one, mindset. Set an intention to shower your partner with love.

Elle: When in doubt, go slower and stay curious. That keeps the focus on him.

Vee: And set the scene and have the conversation. Broach the topic, and this episode is an easy way to start.

Annette: Where can listeners find you?

Elle: You can find us both at @girlsgonedeepod on Instagram, and our podcast is Girls Gone Deep, anywhere you listen.

Annette: So that’s it. Go worship a phallus tonight and report back, or if you’re the one being worshipped, I’d love to know about your first experience. DM me on Instagram @annettebenedetti or email annette@talksexwithannette.com. Thank you both for joining me. Until next time, I’ll see you in the locker room. Cheers.