The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Spanking: Techniques, Positions, and the Psychology Behind What Makes It Hot
Let’s talk about erotic spanking.
Not the awkward, hesitant kind.
Not the oops-did-I-hurt-you kind.
And definitely not the slap-it-and-pray kind.
The right kind of spanking for couples is intimate, arousing, and deeply psychological. It turns on the brain, body, and nervous system all at once—if you know what you’re doing.
Want to see the full technique in action? Watch my how-to video now on YouTube:
Talk Sex With Annette on YouTube
Why Women Fantasize About Spanking (and It’s Not What You Think)
According to a 2020 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior, over 70% of women have fantasized about being spanked.
And yet, most people don’t know how to spank a woman the right way. They’re either too soft, too disconnected, or too focused on porn-style performance.
Here’s what’s actually happening during safe impact play:
- Increased blood flow to the genitals
- Adrenaline → dopamine → endorphin release
- Heightened arousal and emotional intensity
One 2013 study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine even found that people who engage in consensual BDSM (including spanking) have lower stress and stronger emotional attachment in relationships.
This isn’t about trauma. It’s about creating trust, sensation, and surrender.
Why You Should Start With Your Hand (Not a Paddle)
If you’re new to beginner kink, skip the toys (for now).
Your hand is:
- The most intuitive tool you have
- Able to feel her body’s response in real time
- Infused with energy, presence, and power
Research from the Kinsey Institute shows that skin-to-skin contact is more emotionally bonding and arousing during early kink exploration.
So before you reach for the leather? Reach for her ass—with your palm.
Warm-Up Is Everything
Before the first smack, slow down and make it sensual:
- Glide your hand over her ass
- Squeeze gently
- Grip, then pause
- Whisper something dirty like: “Your ass looks too good not to touch.”
Then—give a light, teasing tap. Just a taste.
Watch her body. If she moans, arches, or presses into you… she’s ready.
3 Spanking Positions That Actually Work (And Why)
1. Over-the-Lap or Over-the-knee (OTL)
Perfect for emotional connection, whispering, and light dominance.
Ideal for beginner spanking techniques.
2. Bent Over the Bed
Great for mid-session spanking. Easy access for clit play, penetration, or dirty talk from above.
3. Face Down, Ass Up (With Pillow)
Good for deeper impact and full-body surrender.
Psychologically powerful without feeling restrained
Spanking Techniques 101: Where to Hit—And Where Not To
Aim for:
The lower, fleshy part of the butt cheeks. This is your sweet spot.
Avoid:
Tailbone, hips, and lower back. These are sensitive and prone to injury.
How to strike:
Keep fingers together. Palm firm but relaxed. Strike with the meaty part of your hand, not the fingertips. Think bounce, not slap-through.
After each smack, rub the area. Linger. Let the heat build.
Rhythm > Force: The Secret to Spanking That Turns Her On
When it comes to erotic spanking, rhythm is everything.
Try these patterns:
- Spank… rub… pause
- Tap… tap… smack
- Grip… hold… release
This mirrors how sexual tension builds in the brain: tease → build → release → soothe.
Your goal? Train her body to associate your rhythm with pleasure.
Read Her Cues: The Green-Yellow-Red Method
If you’re not checking in with her body, you’re not ready to play.
Use this spanking for couples method:
🟢 Green = she moans, arches, leans in → go ahead
🟡 Yellow = she tenses, stops breathing → slow down, check in
🔴 Red = she pulls away, says stop → stop immediately
Sexy check-in phrases:
“You want more?”
“Too much?”
“Tell me what you need.”
Consent is hot. And it builds trust for next time.
Why Spanking Isn’t About “Daddy Issues”—It’s About Power, Surrender, and Trust
Women don’t crave spanking because they’re broken.
They crave it because it gives them permission to let go.
The right kind of consensual spanking allows her to:
- Surrender control
- Drop into her body
- Be taken, claimed, devoured—on her terms
That’s not trauma reenactment. That’s liberation.
Ready to Watch the Full Technique?
Watch now: Talk Sex With Annette on YouTube →
Want to Explore Spanking Toys?
Once you’ve got the hand technique down, you can try these beginner-friendly toys. These are some of my favorites from Lovehoney.com. You get 15% Off with my code EXPLORES15:
🖤 Lovehoney Satin & Leather Spanking Paddle– great for gentle impact and warm-up once you’ve mastered your hand work
🖤 Black Spanking Hose– Good girls know how to dress for punishment
🖤 Escante Bow Back Sheer Lace Crotchless Panties– Your Submission is a gift
💌 Like This? Follow Me for More Real-Talk Sex Tips, How-To Guides & Exclusive Content
If this got you hot, curious, or craving more, you’re in the right place.
I create bold, educational content to help you unlock unforgettable sex, deeper connection, and unapologetic pleasure.
👉 Subscribe to my Substack for weekly how-to articles, personal confessions, toy recs, and behind-the-scenes stories from my erotic journey.
🎥 Watch full videos on YouTube including my viral tutorials, podcast episodes, and step-by-step guides like this one.
💋 Join me on OnlyFans for exclusive content, sensual demonstrations, and deeper dives into the techniques I talk about here.
💌 Subscribe to my E-Newsletter for hot tips and incredible discounts on intimate products that will improve your sex life starting tonight!
Add comment